dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
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I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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