If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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