Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
