how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
