How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
