just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
