okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
