apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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