I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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