wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
