mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
