I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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