did you get engaged???
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
