I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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