What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
