fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
