i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
