it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
