his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
