Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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