I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Come see our sink grown plant.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
