when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That accounts for only three of the penises
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
