$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
