i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
