Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
