i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
