I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
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I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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