Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
