I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
