he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
