he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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