sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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