Im at strip club and am horny
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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