areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
