it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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