I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
