R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
