Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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