Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
