She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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