I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
