I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
