Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
