I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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