If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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