HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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