yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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