its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
