Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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