What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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