..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
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i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
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I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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