It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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