once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
