If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think about you every night.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?