I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dignity is for republicans.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
