They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.