Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
