you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Tornado booty call.. dedication
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
