You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
