Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
