her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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