He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
