His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
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