Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
