Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
