my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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