No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
