just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
