...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
