if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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