Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
