it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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