I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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