it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
