so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
