I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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