i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
