With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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