I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
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There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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