Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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