i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
