I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
