When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
