the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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