Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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