i may or may not be watching the land before time
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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