oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
