I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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