sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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