drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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