it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
