I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
